I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
