seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
