I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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