I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
