Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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