well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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