then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
