i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
jump out the window naked night went bad
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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