I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Randomize
