I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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