can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
my being single is dangerous.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
