don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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