I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I pour the whiskey from now on
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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