whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
