plz talk dirty to me
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize