The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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