its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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