u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
You can't motorboat a personality
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
