So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
