hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
