Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
