Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
