My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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