and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
