I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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