it glows. i had to have it.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
