like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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