More tranny stories later!
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
