The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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