FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
