Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
