i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize