Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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