We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
