I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
