I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
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