In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Randomize
