I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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