if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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