I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
