Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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