i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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