have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
