The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
