it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
