This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
COCAINE IS GR8
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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