I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
