Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize