The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
