Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize