Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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