He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
