I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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