I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
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