Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
