I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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