You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
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