I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
