Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
