Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
