I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
