i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
now i know why i became what i already was.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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